Mishaps of a housewife

All I could do was pray "Jesus." When my heart was hurting, when my body was hurting, when I was too tired, when I could find no other words to utter. "Jesus." As I waited for the actual miscarriage to happen, I woke often in the night out of fear, anticipation, confusion, and I would resolve to plan ahead, sift through my thoughts, pray for peace, but all the clarity that came was "Jesus." In the middle of the night, crying out, whispering, groaning one name. Sometimes I wake up to one of my own children calling "Mama." Usually that's all. Just my name, until I come and find them where they are, and work to comfort them or solve their problems. Because they are too tired to come to where I am. Because they're too confused. Because they're too sick. Because they're too lonely. Jesus does that too. When you're barely holding yourself together and don't have the strength to seek him out, He will come when you call ou...

Things don't go as planned. My mother's day was not what I expected it to be. Rather than announcing publically that another baby would be joining us in December, I'm walking through a miscarriage. Again. A third baby joins his or her creator in heaven. Mother's day morning was spent waking up and wondering if today would finally be the day that this whole physical process of loss would be done, after weeks of waiting. It was spent telling the 3 year old and 6 year old that another sibling wasn't strong enough to join them on earth. That, no, I don't know if it was a brother or sister. That I wish I did. That I can't wait to meet all 3 of these mysterious tiny people one day, while concealing the true desperation and desire to see their dear, unknown faces. It was spent assuring them that God is still good, still kind, that He still loves them and Mama and this gone too soon baby. Mother's day was not happy and glowing this year. No one ev...

I took down this precious ornament from the Christmas tree last week (yes, we generally keep our Christmas tree up until AT LEAST January 15 every year!). It made me start thinking about Joseph more than usual, as some things do. Suddenly, like a light being turned on, I realized that I don't thank God for Joseph. For the tiny little being that He made. For the mark that Joseph left. For his memory. I thank God for other aspects of the whole experience of carrying Joseph and saying goodbye to him, but not for Joseph himself. That may sound awful. It's just truly never really occurred to me, since our time together was so brief. I considered that thought for a little while and almost as quickly forgot it again. Until two days ago. I was putting Oliver down for a nap, and as I leaned down to give him a kiss, I said, "I thank God for you, buddy." He smiled sweetly up at me and said just about the last thing I expected: "I thank God for Joseph." ...

Joseph was due last Sunday, February 16, and this coming Saturday will be 6 months since we lost him. He has obviously been on my mind even more lately, so I wanted to share this beautiful poem that Katie, one of my sweet, wonderful sisters, wrote for me when he went to be with Jesus.   Born Straight Into Heaven   God trusted you with a special task That is not for lesser women. To carry His angel until it was time To be born straight into Heaven.   He gave you a burden to bear But still a gift all the same. A child to share with Jesus Who will never know any pain.   He may not have had a physical body Or lived a life here on earth. But oh, the stories you'll one day hear About his Heavenly birth.   Your child will never suffer, Or even have to grow old. Instead he'll get to learn to walk Upon the streets of gold.   Each day he'll play with Jesus, And hear an awesome bedtime story. So keep in mind h...

For a week, I have thought of writing this story. For a week, I haven’t known where to start, so I haven’t written anything at all. I’ve finally decided just to start with the basic, raw, painful truth of it, then continue from there. Last Thursday, August 29, I had a baby. My baby was a little boy and he was beautiful, but he isn’t with me now, except in my heart. I was almost 16 weeks pregnant, and there was no chance he could survive. We named our son Joseph Aaron. I went into labor around midnight. When we got to the hospital, Joseph’s heart was still beating strong. But nothing could alter the chain of events. It was too early. Devastating. Crushing. Terrifying. Impossible, until it wasn’t. Here are some things I know about Joseph: * He was 7.5 inches long * He weighed 3.2 ounces * He was born at 8:30 am * He has an older brother who never met him and will never know him on this earth * He was unbelievably beautiful * He was tiny * He was perfectly, fu...

In honor of my sweet, sweet boy's six month birthday, I want to share how he made his debut into the world. I've been wanting to do this since he was first born, but... if you have had a baby, you know how that goes! Keep in mind, this account is long. It is primarily for my sake and Oliver's sake, so he can know the story leading up to his birth, and because I feel it is a type of catharsis for women to share their birth stories. This tale is also for those of you who knew what type of birth I wanted and may be curious how things ended up going, if you don't know already. So with that disclaimer in mind... My due date was October 25, 2011. I told myself from the very beginning of my pregnancy that I would not, under any circumstances, start to hope that he would arrive early. Yeah, right. That lasted until I was 32 weeks along. That was the very defining moment when I told Randy, "I am so ready to not be pregnant anymore." Incidentally, th...

This is my new favorite recipe for buns, and it's very adaptable. I use my bread machine for the dough. Ingredients: 1 1/4 cups milk 1 beaten egg 2 tablespoons butter 1/4 cup white sugar* 3/4 teaspoon salt 3 3/4 cups bread flour** 1 1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast *You can substitute turbinado sugar or honey crystals **I use 2 cups of bread flour and 1 3/4 cup of whole wheat or white wheat flour Directions: Place all ingredients in pan of bread machine according to manufacturer's directions. Select dough setting. When cycle is complete, turn out onto floured surface. Cut dough in half and roll each half out to a 1" thick circle. *** Cut each half into six 3 1/2" rounds with inverted glass as a cutter. Place on greased baking sheet far apart and brush with melted butter. (I skip this step) Cover and let rise until doubled, about one hour. Bake at 350° for 9-12 minutes. Once done and cool enough to handle, slice buns. ***For hot...

Ina Garten's chocolate layer cake: INGREDIENTS 1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting 2 cups sugar 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 2 teaspoons baking soda 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon kosher salt 1 cup buttermilk 1/2 cup vegetable oil 2 large eggs 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract 1 cup freshly brewed hot coffee DIRECTIONS Preheat the oven to 350°. Butter two 8-inch round cake pans and line them with parchment paper; butter the paper. Dust the pans with flour, tapping out any excess. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle, mix the flour with the sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda, baking powder and salt at low speed. In a medium bowl, whisk the buttermilk with the oil, eggs and vanilla. Slowly beat the buttermilk mixture into the dry ingredients until just incorporated, then slowly beat in the hot coffee until fully incorporated. Pour the batter into the prepared pans. Bake for 35 minutes, or until a toothpick i...

These are quite tasty, and the smell as they bake is intoxicating! Healthy Oatmeal Cookies 1 c whole wheat flour 1 1/2 c old fashioned rolled oats 1/2 t baking soda 1/2 t baking powder 1 t salt 1 T cinnamon (optional) 1 c molasses crystals (or brown sugar, if you don't have them) 1-2 T honey 1/2 c oil 1 egg, beaten 2 T- 1/4 c water 1/2 c raisins or craisins (or more, if desired) 1/2 c walnuts (ditto) Preheat oven to 350. In a large bowl, mix dry ingredients together. In a separate medium bowl, mix together wet ingredients. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ones, then add the walnuts and raisins. Mix well. If the mixture seems to wet, add a bit of flour. If it is too dry, add more water (or an egg white). Drop by spoonfuls onto greased baking sheets. bake for 9-12 minutes or until golden brown.

The other night, I made the "healthy" cookies from an earlier post. My advice: TRY THEM!!! They were delicious. I particularly liked them straight out of the oven, as they were still a little crunchy on the bottom and the dark chocolate was oh so melty! Here are the alterations I made (those of you who know me best can attest to the fact that I always change something in a recipe... I'm a rebel). 3 large, ripe bananas, well mashed (about 1 1/2 cups) 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/4 cup coconut oil, barely warm - so it isn't solid (or olive oil) *I used regular olive oil and couldn't taste any difference 2 cups rolled oats 2/3 cup almond meal (this can be done in a food processor, just don't go so long that you get almond butter!) *I found pecan meal at the grocery store, and it was great! 1/3 cup coconut, finely shredded & unsweetened 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon fine grain sea salt *regular salt is fine, but, like I do with m...

For years (literally- I've been making banana bread or at least helping my mom with it for as long as I can remember), I've been faithful to a banana bread recipe in the old red and white checked Better Homes and Gardens cookbook. I'm now a convert. I recently made a new banana bread recipe from the same cookbook I described in the last post. It's from another character in the Mitford series, Puny Bradshaw. It's the best banana bread I've ever had. It's dense and cake-y, not overpoweringly banana-y, is moist on the inside and has the most delectable outside. It's good hot, room temperature, or cold. I also did the entire recipe in the food processor, so I didn't have to mash the bananas beforehand. I'm all about shortcuts! Puny's Banana Bread 1 1/4 cup sugar (or honey crystals, if you have them- they're fantastic!) 1/3 cup oil 2 eggs, beaten 3 ripe bananas, mashed 1 1/2 cups all purpose (White Lily, if you have it) flour ...

Recently, I have been reading a series of books that my mother has been telling me for years to read. The books belong to The Mitford Series, wonderfully and enchantingly written by Jan Karon. Not only are they highly entertaining (not to mention humorous, although sometimes very subtly so), but they are also challenging, encouraging, joyous, peaceful, and any other adjective that means good and wholesome. Anyway, I strongly recommend them. In addition to her series, Jan Karon produced a cookbook. In her books, she talks about food and the people that cook it in such a way that you feel like you just cannot go on unless you get a taste of it. The cookbook is written so that the recipes "belong" to the fictional characters and often include stories from the books. One such recipe is for glazed carrots. This has become the only way Randy will eat carrots, unless I manage to sneak them into stews or pot pies. He claims that they taste like candy (thanks to admittedly copious amo...

I found this recipe this morning, and I can't wait to try it! As soon as I do, I'll let you know what I think. "Healthier" Cookies 3 large, ripe bananas, well mashed (about 1 1/2 cups) 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/4 cup coconut oil, barely warm - so it isn't solid (or olive oil) 2 cups rolled oats 2/3 cup almond meal (this can be done in a food processor, just don't go so long that you get almond butter!) 1/3 cup coconut, finely shredded & unsweetened 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon fine grain sea salt 1 teaspoon baking powder 6 - 7 ounces chocolate chips or dark chocolate bar chopped Preheat oven to 350 degrees; place racks in the top third of the oven. In a large bowl combine the bananas, vanilla extract, and coconut oil. Set aside. In another bowl whisk together the oats, almond meal, shredded coconut, cinnamon, salt, and baking powder. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and stir until combined. Fold in the chocolate chunks/chips.The doug...

This recipe is delicious! Surprisingly, the maple flavor is not too powerful. Goes great with some caramelized onions! Ingredients: 1/4 cup maple syrup 2 tablespoons soy sauce 1 clove garlic, minced 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper 1 pound salmon In a small bowl, mix the maple syrup, soy sauce, garlic, salt, and pepper. Arrange foil in a shallow glass baking dish that is long enough for the salmon. Place the salmon in the middle of the foil, then pour the maple mixture on top. Wrap the salmon in the foil, adding another piece if necessary. M arinate salmon in the refrigerator for up to 30 minutes, but no more, turning once. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Place the baking dish in the preheated oven, and bake salmon in the foil for 20-25 minutes, or until easily flaked with a fork.